Damage control dating
The last thing a narcissist wants is someone needy or someone any one could have, she has to be a “trophy” and confident enough to keep his narcissistic supply coming.Plus the more self sufficient and confident she is the more determined the narcissist will be to “break” her, if he can make her totally dependent on him it is the ultimate in NS.
Withdrawing your support is giving the narcissist exactly what they want – total control over their victim and makes the victim dependent on the narcissist and reinforces what the narcissist is telling them; that they (the narcissist) is the only one they can rely on, the only one who truly loves them and that they are flawed in some way, why else would someone they cared about turn their back on them?* Do not expect the victim to return to their “old self” immediately after leaving the narcissist.The longer a person is involved with a narcissist the more damage is done to the person’s self confidence, their esteem and even their perception of reality. The victim has been abused at a soul level, comparable to a prisoner of war, a rape victim, a hostage; they can probably not even adequately describe what they have been through.In many cases they have blocked much of the abuse or minimized it; which is typical of a person in highly dangerous situation and was part of their attempts at survival.* Never make the victim feel they are responsible for their own abuse.By saying things like: I would never have stayed, I would have seen he was an asshole a mile off, he was attracted to your co-dependency, etc No one knows what it is like to be manipulated by a narcissist unless they have been there.
-Narcissists are attracted to strong, competent, self sufficient women with a strong sense of responsibility and moral fiber.
What woman wouldn’t want to be described in those terms?
What to do if you suspect someone you know is involved with a narcissist First of all let’s cover the don’t: * Do not underestimate how dangerous, manipulative and conniving a narcissist can be.
Too many times people confuse narcissism with ordinary abusive behaviour or someone with an inflated ego.
A true narcissist is cruel beyond comprehension and can cause immeasurable emotional and physical damage.
They will stop at nothing to control their victim and that could include death.