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Expert take: A lot of guys have two categories of women they’re dating: the women they just want to have sex with and the women they’re interested in having long-term relationships with, Kerner says.
Her take: “I went out with a guy I met online who seemed really sweet and charming. A few days later, he texts me to say that he isn't looking for a girlfriend—just casual sex.I felt cheated and hurt.” -Andrea C., 31Expert take: Even if a guy doesn’t say straight out in his profile that he’s only looking for hook-ups, some will offer hints.Those who use phrases similar to “hoping to be friends first” are usually looking for fun rather than commitment, says Laurie Davis, founder and CEO of e Flirt Expert, and author of You can also weed out the casual sex seekers by looking at the context around your planned date: Is he willing to set up a date for a week or so later?Meet for coffee or in a place where you can hear each other talk?If the date feels like a hook-up, that’s probably what he’s seeking.To be sure you don’t give the wrong impression, “set a date for the future, and make it the right time of day and place so the intention of getting to know each other is there in the beginning,” recommends Ian Kerner, Ph.
D., co-author of Her take: “The first guy I dated when I moved to New York let me take care of him, which I thought would lead to a relationship.
I was doing things for him like baking cookies, redecorating his place, and having lots of sex, but I found out he had no intention of commitment at all.” -Kate, 28.
After a few dates with a guy, you feel like this could lead to something, when suddenly he falls off the face of the earth.
Or it’s been months—he’s even uttered the word “girlfriend”—and out of nowhere he says he’s not ready for a relationship.
You’re left wondering what went wrong and analyzing (and reanalyzing and reanalyzing) things with your friends. While we’ll never be able to fully understand guys (and we probably wouldn’t want to), you can learn from these moments.
We found 10 women in your situation and asked experts to give their insights on what happened so you can dodge future dating disasters.