15-Nov-2015 18:15
  • Name: Arianna Jenkins
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Women you should avoid dating

It’s time to stop fooling ourselves, says a woman who left a position of power: the women who have managed to be both mothers and top professionals are superhuman, rich, or self-employed.If we truly believe in equal opportunity for all women, here’s what has to change.

I sipped champagne, greeted foreign dignitaries, and mingled.Then I said, “When this is over, I’m going to write an op-ed titled ‘Women Can’t Have It All.’”She was horrified. “You, of all people.” What she meant was that such a statement, coming from a high-profile career woman—a role model—would be a terrible signal to younger generations of women.By the end of the evening, she had talked me out of it, but for the remainder of my stint in Washington, I was increasingly aware that the feminist beliefs on which I had built my entire career were shifting under my feet.I had always assumed that if I could get a foreign-policy job in the State Department or the White House while my party was in power, I would stay the course as long as I had the opportunity to do work I loved.But I could not stop thinking about my 14-year-old son, who had started eighth grade three weeks earlier and was already resuming what had become his pattern of skipping homework, disrupting classes, failing math, and tuning out any adult who tried to reach him.Over the summer, we had barely spoken to each other—or, more accurately, he had barely spoken to me.

And the previous spring I had received several urgent phone calls—invariably on the day of an important meeting—that required me to take the first train from Washington, D.

C., where I worked, back to Princeton, New Jersey, where he lived.

My husband, who has always done everything possible to support my career, took care of him and his 12-year-old brother during the week; outside of those midweek emergencies, I came home only on weekends.

As the evening wore on, I ran into a colleague who held a senior position in the White House.

She has two sons exactly my sons’ ages, but she had chosen to move them from California to D. when she got her job, which meant her husband commuted back to California regularly.

I told her how difficult I was finding it to be away from my son when he clearly needed me.

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